Love And Marriage!

Well, first of all, congratulations all around!

First, to my wonderful friends, Bill and Laura, on their marriage this past Saturday!  It's wonderful to see two people who are so right for each other come together in a sacred union like this.  And it was a great party!

And second congratulations goes out to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby boy!!!  And yes, I'm one of those people who was waiting on the edge of their seat for this baby. So excited!

And, with all this said, it's interesting that I've just finished the section of "The Art of Happiness" about happiness and relationships.

Now I know they were discussing all forms of relationships, like friendships, parent/child relationships, neighbors, family, romantic, and relations with strangers even.  But, for Western society in general, the focus usually is on the romantic relations of soul mates.  In fact, even when I saw a chapter on happiness in relationships, I first thought about my relationship with my husband.  Even though my family and friendships are very important to me.  But it also seems to be very important in our society to find that special someone whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

And it was this point that the narrator of this book, Dr. Cutler, keeps on emphasizing when he asks the Dalia Lama about finding that perfect mate.  And, to his shock and disappointment, the Dalai Lama was very negative about romantic relations in general.  Now I know that he's a Buddhist monk who is celibate and not married at all, but that's not where this negativity comes from.  What he goes on to explain is that romance is a notion of fantasy that, for our Western society, has become the basis of a relationship that is supposed to be compassionate and honest to the very core.  And it's hard to create that form of relationship on practices that come out of our wildest dreams.

Now I was just as shocked as I believe you probably all are right now.  ROMANCE IS A FANTASY?!?!  My husband is VERY romantic thank you very much!  And I love that about him!

But then, reading on, the Dalia Lama explains that romance, and sexual desire, are usually the base that starts relationships.  What helps them to continue and grow strong is the mutual respect and compassion each one has for the other, for their true selves.  Not just the romantic notion, or the sexual desire.  It is a true desire to be with that person for who they are, not just how they look or the romantic actions they make.  And this is something that I can truly believe in myself.

I look at my relationship with my husband and I'm very happy, and very lucky, to realize that my husband does love me for who I am.  Even when I drive him nuts, he still supports me with my desires and appreciates me for who I am.  And I love him so very much for it.  And I also find him very handsome and attractive.  And I love that he makes such wonderful romantic gestures.  But I also know that I love him to his core and will always be compassionate and supportive of him with whatever he desires in life.  Even when he drives me nuts.

And I look at my newly married friends, Bill and Laura.  I realize that they have found that same happiness with each other.  A mutual respect and compassion for each other's true self.  And a reflection of that shows in the romantic gestures and loving embraces that they have for each other.  I'm so glad they have found that solid relationship as well.

And I even look at the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  As the world watched them their love has grown even stronger. And though they are very proper and modest in front of everyone, you can tell that they are in love, and have formed that relationship that is full of respect for each other, and supportive as well.  And the fact that their love has created a family with a baby boy, that loving respect they have for each other will help in raising that baby as well.

And, I know that this is not only about marriage relationships but about every type of relationships, it is always important that a mutual respect is there for each other.  It's the strongest base you can have to happy relationships.

Though flowers and a candle lit dinner is always lovely as well.